Harm: Can you get in?
Kate: Of course. Can you?
Kate: Want to bet on who gets in first?
Harm: But you’ve got a head start.
Kate: What a man.
Harm: Thank you, but you still have a head start.
Kate: You want to bet or whine?
(Harm opens the safe)
Harm: Not all women in the Navy feel the way you do about having a lover. Thank God!
Harm: Okay, you’re both pursuing theories based on gender bias.
Kate: And you’re not?
Harm: No, I like the idea of going to sea with women.
Kate: Those wings look good on you. (points to the gold wings on the uniform)
Harm: Well, you know what they say about gold wings and dress whites. They’ll get you in bed anywhere.
Kate: Except here.
Harm: You can’t. We’re not a Board of Inquiry. We’re a two man team. And the senior member writes the findings.
Kate: Two man…….?
Harm: Okay, Kate, so I’m a little chauvinistic.
Harm: I though you’d find that charming.
CAG: You with me, Lt?
Harm: To hell and back, sir.
Harm: Impressive pick up, sir.
Cmdr. Lindsey: I thought you’d appreciate it, Lt.
Harm: I don’t know if the President did.
Cmdr. Lindsey: The President?
Meg: Kate sends her regrets.
Harm: You know Kate?
Meg: Well enough for her to warn me, sir.
Harm: About what?
Meg: That’s privalidged information, Lt.
Cmdr. Lindsey: Lt. Austin is a computer weapons specialist.
Harm: I thought you were a lawyer.
Meg: I’m multi-talented, sir.
Harm: Well, I’m sure you are, Lt.
Meg: No, you’re not, sir, but in time I’ll prove it to you.
Meg: I’m not immodest, sir, just straightforward. Comes from being raised in Texas.
Bad guy: Don’t you hate it when the bad guy’s so good?
Harm: No, makes nailing his ass that much more satisfying.
Meg: Why do I always attract nerds?
Harm: Maybe it’s the uniform.
Meg: You don’t like me because I replaced Kate.
Harm: No, I don’t like you because you didn’t disqualify yourself from this mission. That at least I would have respected.
Harm: Why don’t you have a little pizza and bug juice with him. Seeing you vulnerable might make him drop his guard.
Meg: What, you want me to play the faint hearted female?
Harm: I don’t want you to play anything, Lt.
Sailor: What’d you fly, Lt.?
Sailor: Tomcats to JAG?
Harm: I broke one. They wouldn’t give me another one.
(Harm is leaning over Meg’s shoulder)
Meg: Don’t you have something to do sir?
Harm: I’m doing it.
Meg: By bugging me?
Harm: I’m lending moral support.
Meg: I’ve penetrated four levels, two booby traps, and even found a fake program that looks good but does nothing.
Harm: I know a woman like that.
Harm to bad guy: No Mr. Grover, you do not pass go, you do not collect 40 million dollars. You go straight to jail.
Meg: Sorry I broke up the party.
Harm: We were just talking.
Meg: Harm, you and I are just talking. You and she were tangoing across the dance floor half naked one foot in the nearest bedroom.
Meg: I’m on my way to meet Det. Axelrod.
Harm: Using your human approach?
Meg: That’s right.
Harm: Meaning you’re wearing a dress.
Meg: Look, don’t think you know me that well, because you don’t. I’ll be so subtle that by the time I work my way round to asking for the file he’ll barely notice.
Harm: Is it a red dress?
(Meg is wearing a red dress)
Little girl: “You’re not going to leave us…”
Harm: “I would never leave you, Sweet Pea. There’s a church between here and the gate. Where better to meet than at a church?”
Harm to Meg: “You want me to put in my report that you believe that we’re chasing little green men? ”
Kate: Listen to you. You threw away the book when you were 16.
Harm: Not true, I just read a different book.
Kate: You didn’t tell her?
Harm: Must have slipped my mind.
Meg: Happens alot.
Kate: I had the same problem with him.
Jesse: We ain’t got no female officer defending us?
Quinn: You’re too pretty for a female lawyer, Jesse, and Davis is too horny.
Davis: What’s that make you?
Quinn: Well, I’m between pretty and horny. I guess that makes me pretty horny.
Meg: We’re looking for a five digit code with a seven.
Harm: How much time?
Meg: Seven minutes. Funny huh?
Kate and Harm: No!
(talking about Krennick)
Meg: “I hope you had a good weekend.”
Harm: “Where is the dragon lady anyway?”
(talking about Krennick)
Meg: “She might have a soft side.”
Harm: Yeah, like Atilla the Hun.”
Krennick: We have a chance to find him with this sketch.
Adm. Chegwidden: Which the other agencies don’t have?
Krennick: No sir.
Adm. Chegwidden: Screw ‘em. Steal their thunder.
Adm. Chegwidden: Steal their thunder. SOB comes in here and shoots one of my officers, I want him stuffed and put in my trophy room. And I want us to do it.
Harm: Yes sir.
Cpl Cortez: “They’re not going to be glad to see us.”
Harm: “I’m a lawyer, Corporal, no one’s ever glad to see me.”
Meg: “So, how does it feel being a divorce lawyer?”
Harm: “Let’s put it on par with being a proctologist”
Harm: “Sorry we’re late, Sir, we were misdirected.”
Reed: “Is that a pilots way of saying lost, Lt?”
Harm: “Pilots don’t get lost Mr. Reed, they’re momentarily disoriented.”
Meg: “The way she looked at you, they were probably directions to her house!”
Meg: “I’ll have to plead article five of the officer’s code of conduct, sir.”
Harm: “Name, rank, serial number, and date of birth?”
Meg: “It’s the closest thing to a “I can’t tell you how I’m gonna do it” article, sir.”
Harm: What’s the warning, Commander?
Krennick: The Admiral has an aide that’s a killer. You’re the rising young star in JAG and that’s a threat to her ambitions.
Harm: Her ambitions…..
Krennick: I’m the Admiral’s aide.
Harm: You have nothing to worry about, Commander, I’m not that good, or ambitious.
Krennick: The hell you’re not. That’s one of the reasons why I want to sleep with you.
Harm: Where’s the stick?
Pilot: It’s built in on Air Force pilots, Commander.
Meg: Five chips. All they have to download is five chips and they’ll have what makes the Tomcat so lethal.
Harm: The pilot?
Meg: They probably figure we’ll never know Barkov downloaded the data.
Secretary Bearer: Yeah, until we’re up against Ukranian F-14’s as good as ours.
Harm: They’ll never be as good as our unless we’re flying them.
Bearer: How did you sabotage it?
Harm: With a Navy issue, 34 inch, brass tip cinch.
Bearer: What the hell is that?
Harm: My belt.
Gonzalez: “Are you taking personal time this morning, Private Whitley?”
Whitley: “Ma’am, no, ma’am! Uh, the private means yes, ma’am!
Gozalez: “Which one is it?”
Whitley: “Which one what, ma’am?”
Gonzalez: “What is your answer; yes, ma’m, or no, ma’am?”
Whitley: “Ma’am, could you repeat the question, ma’am?”
Gonzalez: “This question is, do you realize that this is Parris Island, not Hilton Head? Private Whitley, you have exactly thirty seconds to make that rack so tight I can bounce a quarter off it, or I WILL bounce your head off the side of this bulkhead!!! Do you understand me, or do I need to translate that into IDIOT???”
Capt. Overton: The more they sweat in training, the less they bleed in battle.”
Harm: “I guess you really do have to be crazy to be a SEAL”
SEAL: “No crazier than ejecting from a cockpit with a rocket up your six”
Harm: “Maybe not, but I only do that when I don’t have a choice”
Senator: Washington will have your stars for this, Admiral.
Adm. Chegwidden: Well, if anything goes wrong, Lt. Austin’s my point of authority, I’ll give them her bars.
Admiral Chegwidden: My name is Admiral Chegwidden. I am the Judge Advocate General of the United States Navy. Before I leave this hangar, I will know the why, and the how of Lt. Douglas Marion’s death, while Commander Rabb here is gonna have your ass, and I’m gonna own your soul.
Admiral: “I like you, son. I’m probably going to hang you, but I like you.”
Interrogator: Will the United States interfere when we take back the islands? And this time a one word answer will not suffice.
Harm: Harmon Rabb, Jr. Lieutenant Commander in the United States Navy. 989548301 October 25, 1963
Interogator: Commander sounds so formal. What do your friends call you?
Harm: Harm, Rabb, pain in the butt.
Harm: Are you a prisoner?
Prisoner: No, I’m here on vacation. I wanted something dank and dark for a change. Of course I’m a prisoner!
Prisoner: Remember what I used to tell you when you were little?
Harm: Always address adults as sir or ma’am and never play with matches?
Meg: He wasn’t your partner.
Krennick: He served under me, Lieutenant.
Meg: With all due respect it’s not the same thing.
Krennick: Excuse me Lieutenant. Are we having a competition over who cares more about Harm? I’m just as upset as you are. I’m just not as good at showing it as you are. I never was. I’ve grown to care very much about Harm.
Meg: I understand.
Krennick: I’m not sure you do Meg. I know how that sounded. Now you’re wondering if Harm and I were sleeping together.
Meg: No, ma’am; Yes, ma’am.
Krennick: Unfortunately, no….Were you?
Meg: We never slept together.
Krennick: But you thought about it.
Krennick: Too bad.
Meg: Why? For admitting to the same desires as you.
Krennick: No, for telling me. You wouldn’t say it if you thought he was still alive.
Kate: Why are you so curious?
Harm: It’s my nature.
Cdr. Brockman to Harm: This must have hit some hot buttons in Washington for the Admiralto send the JAG poster boy himself!
Kate: …but the plane stopped in Seattle. So I stowed the bikini and bought mittens.
Harm: I’d love to see you in them.
Kate: My mittens?
Harm: Just your mittens.
Harm: Why’d you dump him?
Kate: I didn’t dump him…. It got too heavy.
Harm: What he do? Ask you to marry him?
(Kate does not respond)
Harm: He asked you to marry him.
Kate: I’m pleading the 5th.
Harm: And I’m declaring you a hostile witness.
Kate: It took you this long to figure that out?
Man holding Brockman hostage: “I walk out of here, or he dies.”
Harm: “Try it. I don’t like him anyway.”
CAG: “I don’t like the way you people fight.”
Harm: “You don’t have to. All you have to do is stay out of our way.”
Harm: “When do we leave, sir?”
Teddy: “Right after we light up.” He hands them each a cigar.
Harm: “Your wife have a baby, sir?”
Teddy: “Not that I know of. This just arrived from the Secretary of the Navy. Congratulations…Lieutenant Commander Rabb.”
(Meg gives Harm a kiss on the cheek)
Teddy: “Makes me wish you were around when I got my promotion, Lieutenant.”
Sailor: “You still miss it, don’t you, sir?”
Harm: “Only when I’m back on board, or see a jet, shaving in the morning, in my dreams, eating a pizza, watching a movie…”
CAG: “Can I be my own lawyer?”
Meg: “Technically, sir, but…”
CAG: “You’re fired, Lieutenant.”
Krennick: “An Agent Turque.”
Admiral: “You’re kidding.”
Krennick: “No, sir.”
Admiral: “And I thought Chegwidden was bad.”
Krennick: “So anyway, this Turque…” *starts laughing *
Admiral: “His life in high school must have been hell.”
Krennick: “I’m sure it was, sir.”
Sarah: Diane said you were a chronic punster.
Harm: You know Meg, Mr. Roberts has the makings of a fine naval officer.
Meg: Or a criminal lawyer.
(Harm is getting into the shower and Meg is standing at his bathroom door.)
Harm: You better get going, unless you want to join me in the shower.